Courage & Strength

Navigating Life's Deepest Valleys: Health Battles and Heartbreaking Losses

It's been quite some time since I've had a moment to sit down and write in this space. Life, in my universe, has been incredibly trying, filled with a series of profound challenges. I've been grappling with ongoing spinal issues, managing to bounce back each time, but this period feels particularly overwhelming with multiple hurdles.

My Ongoing Spine Journey: A Relentless Battle

My latest scans have revealed a complex picture of my spinal health. Here's what my recent MRI showed:

  • L3-L4: Mild disc bulge, moderate facet arthropathy (arthritis in the facet joints), and mild narrowing of both the spinal canal and the nerve pathways. There's also some mild enhancement at a previous surgical site and left facet.
  • L4-L5: Mild disc bulge, severe facet arthropathy, mild spinal canal narrowing, and mild nerve pathway narrowing on both sides. Evaluation of the left nerve pathway is limited by artifact.
  • L5-S1: Shows changes from a previous discectomy surgery and severe facet arthropathy. No significant narrowing, but mild nerve pathway narrowing on both sides. Evaluation of the left nerve pathway is limited by artifact.

Additionally, my Flex X-Ray revealed small bone spurs (anterior marginal osteophytes) and facet arthropathy in my lower lumbar spine.

The end result? I'm dealing with moderate to severe facet joint issues that are causing significant pain, coupled with bone spurs and disc bulges across three discs. It's incredibly frustrating. Why would anyone want to mask and prolong such intense pain with strong opioid medication instead of addressing the root cause? It infuriates me because this pain interferes with my sleep and ability to do normal daily activities. But I won't give up. My grandmother raised no quitter, and I will continue this journey until I get the pain relief needed to truly function.

A Shattered Heart: Two Unbearable Losses

Just when I thought my inner strength couldn't be tested further, my world completely shattered. I lost two incredibly special people within 12 hours of each other.

On March 26th, I lost the most perfect friend, who, later in life, truly became my big brother. Mike and I had a wonderfully unique friendship. We tried dating once, but distance got in the way, so we remained fiercely loyal friends for over 20 years. This man was there for me through so many of life's trying times. He talked me out of countless stupid ideas I bounced off him, and no matter what, he always stood by my side.

Mike, I never imagined you'd go before me. It's been just one week, and I miss you terribly. I miss your random phone calls at all hours, watching hockey games together. My goodness, you kept me level-headed when I wanted to be my stubborn self. You always wanted more for me in life than I had. When I told you about my divorce, you were concerned for my mental state, but I learned to handle it. Then, when I met my sweet husband, you wanted to meet him too. Please rest easy, my brother. Don't worry, I'll be well taken care of, and I'll keep listening to my bad 80s music. I love you now and forever.

My second devastating loss came on March 27th. My dad texted me early that morning to say my Uncle Mike, who had been ill for a few weeks, had passed away at 6 AM. My heart broke even more. My heart was already under so much stress. How was I going to grapple with losing another loved one so quickly? It wasn't easy. I'll forever cherish memories of him impersonating "Elvis" and always singing to me when he visited. I guess that explains why I love Elvis so much now! It's truly tough to navigate this grief. Uncle Mike, I know your time on this crazy earth was cut short, but we will see each other soon. Rest easy, Uncle. Love you more, your little ray of sunshine.

"Don't Cry": A Poetic Farewell

Through all these challenges, I've learned to triumph back against them. In honor of my dear brother and uncle, I wrote this poem as a send-off:

"Don't Cry"

Don't cry as I wouldn't want it this way

Please be strong and smile

You'll see me again

I know you miss me

but in heaven is where I need to be

Don't keep such a sad face

I am in a better place

Don't let your tears fall

for I cannot wipe them away

Yes, I know my time on earth was short

but I am begging for you to be strong

Live each moment as it was your last

I'll cherish each memory we have

As I watch from above

I've gotten my wings of white

I'm ready to fly

I'm your guardian angel

Please don't cry

I'm on my way

soaring through the blue sky

As you all tell me good-bye


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Announcing My First Poetry Book (And the Love Story Behind It)

Image
✨ My First Poetry Book Is Coming in Early 2026 ✨ From the first spark to forever, a love story captured in verse …and at its heart, it is a love letter to my boyfriend. I’m so excited to finally share something I’ve held close for a long time: my debut poetry book will be released in early 2026. This project is deeply personal—a collection shaped by love, vulnerability, growth, and the beautiful stages my boyfriend and I have walked through together. It tells the story of us: where we began, how we grew, and the strength we’ve built through everything we’ve faced. Our love is stronger now than ever, and these pages hold that truth. 💗 A Love Letter Told in Three Parts The book is structured around the evolution of our relationship: Part I: Becoming The spark. The curiosity. The first shift when two souls collide and everything begins to change. Part II: Belonging The safety, trust, and comfort that grow when you choose each other day after day. Part III: Forever The devotion, passion,...
Read more

Series One: Introduction to the Legacy

Image
  Series One: Introduction to the Legacy In just a few months, Paul A. Dever Elementary School will close its doors for the final time—marking the end of an important chapter in Boston’s educational and cultural history. But this isn’t just about a school shutting down. It’s about a community losing its anchor. 🔍 Why This Series Matters Over the coming weeks, I’ll be diving deep into the legacy of the Dever —what it meant to: Students who found a second home in its classrooms Teachers who dedicated decades of their lives Families who walked its halls for generations We’ll revisit the highs, the struggles, and the fierce determination that kept the Dever standing through turbulent times. Most importantly, we’ll hear directly from the people who lived it. Because behind every school are stories— Stories of resilience , hope , heartbreak , and triumph . And the Dever’s story is no different. 🏫 Paul A. Dever Elementary: A School with History and Heart Opened in 1957 , Paul A. Dever...
Read more

Nine Months of Love, Growth, and Gratefulness

Image
  Nine Months of Love, Growth, and Gratefulness It’s been a beautiful season in my life — full of milestones, reflections, and deep, deep gratitude. This week, my sweetheart and I celebrated nine months together . Nine months of laughter, late-night talks, growth, patience, and joy. I’ve never felt more connected to someone before. We truly get each other in a way that feels both effortless and deeply meaningful. He motivates me to be better — not just for him, not just for us, but for me . I’ve never been prouder of any man. The way he shows up for himself, and for us as a unit, honestly takes my breath away. When I think back to the moment we first met, it still stuns me — who knew something so simple would lead to something so rare and real? What we have wasn’t rushed or forced. It grew — slowly, intentionally, and organically. It’s a love that makes the world feel softer. I catch myself smiling at every love song, but one in particular brought me to tears: “I Am Yours” by ...
Read more